Oasis NT Church Planting Movement Surviving Abuse

I put this article together to help people detox and heal from abusive Church situations, and in particular call out and discuss the common problem of Narcissistic Church Leaders, and people in the Church with Narcissistic tendencies. These people are usually heavily demonically oppressed or possessed, and can hide behind scripture and religious jargon, but the fruit of their mouth and behaviour is demonic, abnormal and unrelenting.

If you have been affected by this sort of abuse, it can be difficult to move forward in your faith, to reestablish trust and wholesome relationships. the material and advice below will help you unpick the pain and injury from this sort of abuse and shows a pathway to healing and freedom.

WHAT IS NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER ?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinical psychological condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance (entitlement), a deep need for admiration (to be worshipped), and a lack of empathy (no genuine care) for others.

While individuals with NPD may appear confident or even charismatic (a fake facade), their behavior is often rooted in fragile self-esteem (from deep wounds) and an intense fear of vulnerability (lack of trust).

The disorder can lead to dysfunctional relationships (spouse, children, congregation), manipulative behaviors (controlling), and difficulty accepting criticism or accountability (when challenged usually respond by attacking, not peace or repentance). In the spiritual realm this disorder has a demonic root to it which psychologists cannot treat.

8x CLINCAL TRAITS OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

Below are eight common clinical traits associated with NPD that secular psychologist observe:

Grandiosity – An exaggerated sense of one’s own importance, achievements, or talents, often believing they are superior to others.
Need for Admiration – A constant craving for praise, attention, and validation, often fishing for compliments or displaying attention-seeking behavior.
Lack of Empathy – An inability or unwillingness to recognize or care about the feelings and needs of others.
Sense of Entitlement – An expectation of special treatment and automatic compliance from others, regardless of merit or fairness.
Exploitative – Using others for personal gain without guilt or remorse, often manipulating people to serve their own interests.
Arrogant or Haughty Behavior – Displaying condescending attitudes, looking down on others, or dismissing people as inferior or unworthy.
Envy and Belief Others Are Envious – Feeling jealous of others’ success or beauty, while also believing others are envious of them.
Preoccupation with Fantasies – Fantasizing about unlimited success, power, money, brilliance, or ideal love as a way to escape real-world limitations or insecurities.

DOES NARCISSISM MANIFEST IN RELIGIOUS GROUPS – IN BOTH LEADERS and CONGREGATION ?

Yes, unfortunately.

But not only leaders. People can walk in the Church door undetected with this wicked and corrosive condition. They need to be quickly identified and isolated before they can do any chaos and damage to the group.

It is not clearly understood if Narcissists are attracted to Ministry Leadership roles, or Ministry Leadership (using the Nicolaitans style of domination, manipulation, intimidation and control which is witchcraft) creates Narcissistic thinking and behavioral patterns. Either way, the arrival of a Narcissist into a Church leadership role produces chaos and shuts down the full operation of the Holy Spirit until that leader repents, or leaves.

You can read about these abusive and narcissistic leaders in Jude.

Jude says in 12-19 – 12 These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves without fear: clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withers, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots; 13 Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever. 14 And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints, 15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him. 16 These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaks great swelling words (flattery), having men’s persons in admiration because of (power, influence, financial) advantage. 17 But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ; 18 How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts. 19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit (or a False Holy Spirit).

Paul writes about them in Romans 1:28-32:

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,31 Without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Regardless, we all have a Biblical right to call out this eggregeous behaviour,
and hope that healing can be applied to this problem for everyone’s sake.

Here are 10 traits commonly found in narcissistic religious leaders:

These traits reflect how narcissism can manifest in a religious or spiritual context, often with damaging effects on followers and communities:

Spiritual Superiority – They believe they have a unique connection to God or divine insight that sets them above others, often claiming to be specially “chosen” or anointed.
Authoritarian Control – They demand absolute obedience and discourage questioning or independent thought, often using scripture or doctrine to justify control over followers’ lives.
Manipulative and Selective Use of Scripture – They twist religious texts to serve their own agenda, justify their behavior, or silence dissent, rather than seeking genuine spiritual truth.
Excessive Need for Admiration – They constantly seek praise, flattery, and recognition for their “spiritual leadership,” often making ministry more about themselves than their message.
Lack of Empathy – They struggle (or refuse) to show genuine compassion or understanding, especially when followers are struggling, instead blaming them for “lack of faith” or obedience.
Grandiosity – They often have an inflated sense of their importance, believing their work is more vital than anyone else’s and that they’re irreplaceable in God’s plan.
Hypocrisy and Moral Double Standards – They preach virtue but live differently, often excusing their own unethical or immoral behavior while condemning others harshly.
Exploitation of Followers – They may use followers for financial gain, labor, or emotional dependency, convincing them it’s a form of “serving God” or being blessed.
Persecution Complex – They portray themselves as victims or heroes of unjust criticism, claiming attacks are “spiritual warfare” rather than legitimate concerns about their behavior.
Isolate Themselves From Any Accountability – They may discourage contact with outsiders, labeling other churches or leaders as “worldly,” “compromised,” or “dangerous,” to maintain control over their followers. They refuse to be accountable to anyone.

HOW TO ESCAPE THE RELIGIOUS NARCISSIST ?

As a leader, dealing with this in the congregation can be relatively painless by challenge, isolating the person. If they are genuinely repentant, a journey of prayer, and behavioral change can be implemented. Generally, the condition is very wicked and most people leave, rather than change.

For people in the congregation, dealing with a Narcissistic Leader can be more problematic. Generally, the condition is very wicked and leaders will not repent, will not admit to any fault, will not listen and generally turn on the attack, playing the either the victim or the hero.

The Bible instructs us in 3 areas.

The FIRST is to challenge the bad behaviour. We can apply this to Elders, Leaders and even members too. Be respectful and kind. If neccessary bring the issue before the entire congregation.

1 Timothy 5:1 Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;
1 Timothy 5:19-20 Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses. 20 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.

The SECOND is to attempt to put the issue right, and if they don’t listen discuss it before the whole Church, but put the unrepentant person out.

Jesus says in Matthew 18:15–17 “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee (wont listen and wont repent), then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them (still will not listen and still will not repent), tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear (listen to the appeal of) the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.”

The THIRD, which is the most likely, is you need to attempt to correct them several times, and if they are unrepentant you need to separate and have nothing to do with them.

Paul says in Titus 3:10–11 – “A man that is an heretic after the first and second admonition reject; Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sins, being condemned of himself.”

Try to be kind.

Paul instructs us in Thessalonians 3:14–15 “And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.”

THE DEVASTATING IMPACT OF RELIGIOUS NARCISSISTIC ABUSE

The reality is that through witchcraft, seducing spirits, divination and other nefarious abusive spiritual powers, these leaders can damage believers in several ways.

Victims may face a unique set of psychological, emotional, and social issues — not only from the abuse itself but from how the religious organisation handles it.

When coming out of a controlling religious environment, we are expecting to arrive at a House Church that is safe and different. The good news is that Narcissists hate House Church because it provides closer scrutiny, accountability and observation of behaviors that can be openly discussed and corrected by all present. It’s a quicker and easier process to deal with demonic behaviour in a House Church.

Narcissists believers will avoid this scrutiny and accountability at all costs, and avoid House Church. Narcissistic Leaders also avoid House Churches because they are not able to manipulate people as easily as a larger, less intimate crowd. Much of the critical slander of House Churches comes from Narcissists for those reasons mentioned.

Here are 10 issues commonly faced by people abused in religious organizations by narcissistic leaders. Go through the list and carefully examine if any of these apply to you:

Spiritual Confusion or Crisis – Victims often experience a deep crisis of faith, questioning their beliefs, God’s role, or the meaning of spirituality after being manipulated by someone they trusted as a spiritual authority.
Fear of Speaking Out – There’s often a culture of silence, where questioning or accusing a leader is viewed as rebellion or sin, leaving victims isolated and afraid to tell their story.
Victim-Blaming – Instead of receiving support, you the victim may be accused of being the problem, saying that you are bitter, divisive, or lacking faith, which adds to your trauma.
Gaslighting and Confusion – Narcissistic leaders often manipulate reality, making victims doubt their own perceptions, feelings, or memories — especially when spiritual language is used to justify abusive behavior.
Loss of Community – Many victims are ostracized, shunned, or pressured to leave the religious group, leading to loss of friends, support networks, and a sense of belonging.
Religious Guilt and Shame – Victims may carry intense guilt or shame, believing they’ve failed spiritually or displeased God by “causing division” or questioning a leader’s authority.
Institutional Protection of the Abuser – Religious organizations often protect the narcissistic leader, either out of loyalty, fear, or concern for reputation, allowing the abuse to continue unchecked.
Suppressed or Invalidated Emotions – Emotions like anger, grief, or betrayal may be dismissed as unspiritual, leading victims to suppress their pain rather than process it in healthy ways.
Long-Term Psychological Effects – The combination of spiritual abuse and narcissistic manipulation can result in PTSD, depression, anxiety, and trust issues, often requiring long-term healing.
Difficulty Trusting Future Leaders or Faith Groups – After betrayal by a spiritual authority, victims often struggle to trust any religious leader or institution, fearing re-traumatization or manipulation.

YOUR HEALING JOURNEY FROM RELIGIOUS NARCISSISTIC ABUSE

Many believers who’ve come out of spiritually or religiously narcissistic systems (including institutional churches or controlling leaders) need careful, Christ-centered healing.

House Churches are not immune from all these challenges, but you will find people’s motivations to lead, to care and to heal are more profound
in the House Church movement. Particularly where money is removed
as a motivator, meaning people will walk with you and sacrifice with you for an eternal reward, not for financial payment, not for pride and not for kudos.

Also House Churches tend to work almost invisibly or anonymously so the leaders generally have stronger faith, are more stable, have more healed egos and are more patient, and generally more empathetic to people. The level of care is higher, because the sincerity is more genuine. This has been our experience over many years, for example since we met Stuart Gramenz in 1996 in Brisbane, and many others along the way.

If you have experienced Religious Narcissistic Abuse, it’s important to STOP it happening, move to a safe space, and go on a personal healing journey.

Here are 10 constructive healing ideas to process Narcissistic Religious Abuse:

Rebuild a Direct Relationship with God – Return to intimacy with God without a human mediator. Read Scripture (like John 10:27 — “My sheep hear my voice”) to remind yourself that Christ Himself is your Shepherd, not any institution or personality.
Detox from False Authority – Take time away from controlling religious structures. Learn to recognize manipulation, guilt tactics, and power abuse masked as “submission.” Re-learn that biblical authority serves and equips, not dominates (Mark 10:42-45).
Rediscover Grace Over Performance – Religious narcissism often conditions people to earn approval through works. Re-center your faith on grace — knowing you are accepted by God through Christ, not by meeting others’ expectations (Ephesians 2:8-9).
Process Pain in Safe Community – Healing happens best with trusted believers who listen without judgment or control. Small, home-based fellowships or prayer groups can provide genuine spiritual family (Galatians 6:2).
Name and Validate the Abuse – Call spiritual abuse what it is — not “hurt feelings,” but misuse of spiritual authority for control or ego. Naming it truthfully helps break denial and start healing (John 8:32).
Rebuild Boundaries – Learn healthy spiritual and emotional boundaries. It’s okay to say “no,” to rest, or to disagree without fear of rejection. Boundaries protect the freedom Christ purchased (Galatians 5:1).
Renew the Mind Through Scripture – Replace distorted teachings with biblical truth. Meditate on passages showing God’s character — gentle, patient, compassionate — rather than harsh or manipulative (Psalm 103:8-14).
Seek Gentle Shepherding, Not Charisma – If you fellowship again, look for humble leaders who exhibit the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), not impressive speech or dominance. Character over charisma.
Integrate Emotional and Spiritual Healing – Prayer, reflection, and possibly trauma-informed counseling can help process fear, shame, and confusion. Healing the heart and mind together brings restoration (Romans 12:2).
Reignite Purpose and Calling – Abuse often silences believers’ gifts. Rediscover your spiritual gifts, calling, and service to others — not to please people, but as worship to God (1 Peter 4:10-11).

If you need help in this area, we are experienced and skilled to deal with this problem in family relationships, Church Leadership and in Church congregations. We would be honoured to help you.

“TOUCH NOT THE LORDS ANOINTED“

You are anointed. Christ lives in you. This statement does not apply to just leaders (who often use it erroneously as a demonic whipping tool) but also applies to every believer. This applies to YOU, because YOU ARE ANOINTED. Narcissistic Leaders love using this scripture as a baseball bat.

1 Chronicles 16:22 – …Touch not mine anointed (YOU), and do my prophets no harm.

Psalm 105:15 … Touch not mine anointed (YOU), and do my prophets no harm.

A SON OR DAUGTHER OF THE MOST HIGH

Paul says in Galatians 4:4-7 – But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, ⁵To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. ⁶And because YOU are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into YOUR hearts, crying, Abba, Father. ⁷Wherefore YOU are no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir (an inheritor of the fullness) of God through Christ.

IN CONCLUSION

Remember you are no mans servant, you are the Lord’s servant, but not even a servant, but rather a precious son or daughter of the Most High.

Jesus wants you free from manipulation, intimidation, control and domination (which is witchcraft), he wants you fully healed and overflowing with his Holy Spirit, functioning joyfully to minister and serve in the Body of Christ.

Good Church Survival